The title to this book is called " in his arms "

                                                       ___________

Jesus was holding me in his arms the entire five years and i just didn't know it until it was all over

My name is Martie,  I'm 62 years old and I'm about to share my testimony of the five years i spent in horrific withdraws. It all started when i was put on risperidone and i chose to stop taking it suddenly without consulting my doctor, it was a huge mistake.  About a week after i stopped taking my risperidone i went into a deep severe state of depression, that was the first withdraw symptom, and it was going to be the worst of all the symptoms yet to come.  So, when the depression hit me it was instantly severe, i felt a deep darkness in the pit of my stomach, empty, lonely, hopeless and utter death of my self being.  Right now it's just pouring out of me, it's exactly how i felt, but worse, the depression was alive in me like a snake, like the devil, trying to destroy me, to kill me, for almost five full years i was in hell on earth.  talking about it and describing it does not compare to how it felt every day i cried and cried and cried, and i wanted to die, but here's the testimony, i held onto Jesus so tight every single day for five full years, until my brain finally healed from not getting the medicine, the drug that it so desperately wanted, needed, and wasn't getting anymore.  After trying to battle the severe depression i couldn't take it anymore and i called my family doctor and he put me on a medicine called wellbutrin, it didn't work, it only gave me horrific anxiety to the point of not sleeping and pacing the floor 24/7.  He told me to stop taking it, so i did and when my anxiety symptoms continued to keep me from sleeping, i was going through intense sleep deprivation, i went into the emergency room.  There they gave me ativan, and then another ativan, and my symptoms went away, very quickly.  They sent me home  with some ativan and also a prescription for more ativan.  The doctor in the emergency room told me not to worry, that the ativan was not habit forming, so i believed him.  Come to find out later, the ativan was addicting to my brain, big time.  The worst years of my life were about to become a real life nightmare.  

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